work work work

Work has been frustrated so far in this month. I feel like I just keep making mistakes during one shift a week and it has totally brought down my self-esteem and especially when I am a perfectionist. 

I get a certain mistake that I made was completely wrong and my critical thinking had failed me. I get that new graduate/ new nurses make mistakes, but I feel like I shouldn't have. I just shouldn't. 

Then there's this thing about not having to call the MD to change pain medication when the patient just started receiving medication less than an hour ago, don't you think when the patient is over on your unit, you should call, not me? Not that I am trying to push away responsibilities, but I had to end up calling the MD when the patient wasn't physically on my unit. Fine. That's done with. Next thing, if NOBODY communicated with me about having to continue with the medication.. I wouldn't know NOT cancel the order. It's all my fault. Just blame to the new nurse. I am just sitting there charting on my patient for about 2 hours because there's fetal distress and having to use my brain to think and really, save the baby. Forgive me that I was under a little stress and was about to go crazy, that I forgot all those things.What's the cherry top on the ice cream? Got an e-mail from the director this morning right before I went to bed (I work night shift) that one of the orders wasn't put in. Now, anger and disappointment had finally set in. I tried to control my emotions but it was so hard. I e-mailed back saying that (whatever order that was missing) was supposed to be put in during day shift because I didn't do the procedure on the patient. Obviously, right? I can't chart what I didn't do. Then I got an e-mail back saying that I need to ask and check during shift report so it doesn't come back to me and her. Alright, really?? How was I supposed to log in the computer, check what she had/ hadn't charted, when she was already walking out the patient's room ready to duck out of the unit? It was something that was expected to be done, why should I go behind her and check?

I honestly felt like it was all put on me and I was being punished. I do what I do because i love my job, and I know I will make mistakes. But when under those kind of stress, not to mention that I stayed in the patient's room the whole time and explained EVERYTHING that is happening. Patience was what I was. But was not appreciated later on when things didn't go her way.

I really shouldn't be talking about this, but I have left out a lot of details.. and I am just dragging to go into work tonight or any night this week. I just want this to be over. I just want to be like those good nurse that I work with..

 

I wish I can be like him, eat, sleep, use the cat litter, then scratch up the whole carpet like I give a damn.